Johnny Stromboli, also known to his followers as The $trom, is the central figure of the religion of $tromism.
He is officially the most $velt person to have ever lived.
In addition, he is a Republican and does not believe in hand outs.
He is also known for having written the famous text The Silence of the Lambs, for his $velt even extends to literature of all kinds, leading to his other, lesser known moniker of $hake$peare. The $trom is also known to have come to Earth in human form under the name Joe Guetis. It is not known precisely why, but historians and $trombologists have been working very hard to find the answer to this curious puzzle.
Expert $tromologists have discovered that the $trom spends a lot of time in an area called Seaside in Queens, New York, where he is known for living large. One researcher, Johnny, has speculated that it is in fact impossible for the $trom to live any other way.
The $trom is also know to have been inspired by the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates (pronounced SO-crates), citing his quote "Im gonna be hotter than the sand, bigger than the ocean." as one of his personal mottos.
SUNY Oneontas kicked him out of their class of 2016 Facebook group because they could not comprehend his astonishing $velt.
The origins of the $trom are unknown. All that is known about him is the fact that he is from Long Island, New York, but even this is untrue to an extent; for the $trom is with you, wherever you are.
Also, the $trom says eat your vegetables. So eat your fucking vegetables.
The Divine Revelation Edit
The $trom revealed his Divine Revelation to a group of unsuspecting soon-to-be university students through the divine prie$t Ahmed. Why he chose to do so is unclear, but his divine will must not be questioned. This Divine Revelation caused mass conversion to his cause, as he spread his divine message of $tromism.
The $trom's PrayerEdit
The $trom's Prayer was revealed to his divine prie$te$$ Amy, giving the followers of $trom a way to connect with him.